candy. sweet sweet candy.

man. i love candy. i'm totally obsessing right now about it. i really love the candy. i'm trying not to eat so much for many reasons including the fact that mugging small children at hallowe'en is getting to be kind of embarassing.

[a small tangent, if you will: perhaps the reason why people have kids when they are obviously not capable of treating them with love, respect and care is because....candy. if you have kids, you can buy candy without shame and rob their stashes indiscriminately. also, if you are a sadist, you can eat candy right in front of them and make them watch you without giving them any. 'sssssssssssslllllurp. de -[smack fingers] LISH. oh boy. this is some candy-lovin' i'm doing. i am lovvvvvvvvven this candy. you want some? nah - bad for your teeth. bad bad bad...but oh, so good.' so...solution to bad parenting? sugar counselling. i think my work here is done.]

other things about candy that are bad, but not in the 1980s street jargon baaad - i mean, really bad - are: i suspect sugar is partly responsible for my recent outbreak of crack-whore skin; the processing that they have to do to any organic material to make it resemble a gummi worm is truly beyond my comprehension; and addictions make me feel weak. especially when i'm like shaking trying to get all my pennies on the counter at tutti-frutti and i'm trying to pretend i'm epileptic or something instead of physically manifesting my total fucking jonesing for a pixie stick.

man. i quit smoking. isn't that good enough? seriously...i gotta get me some kids.