do bu shi

as of today, approximately two months before i leave canadian soil for many moons, i know three words in mandarin. three words. that means no matter what happens to me while i'm there, i will have no choice but to respond with 'how are you?' last night i was cycling down college st and some incredibly busy and important person without the TIME for gods sake to look in their side mirror before opening their door onto a bike lane nearly knocked me ass over teakettle. my mastery of choice english words served me well at that time - but here's how it's going to look when the same thing happens to me in taiwan.

*dumbass opens door*
Me: HOW ARE YOOOOOOOU? *flying off, landing, taking up residence on the pavement, bleeding*
Dumbass: Shit, sorry - you okay?
Me: Hooow. are you.
Dumbass: I'm...good. How are YOU?
Me: Hooooooooow. Hoooooow. are yooooooooouu. *trying to redjust leg into more familar angles*
Dumbass: Yeah, I'm good. I'm good, buddy. I think you might need an ambulance.
Me: You. How. Are. Are You?
Dumbass: No, I'm FINE. Fuck. I think you're insane. I....I have to go. Let someone else deal with the courteously crazy chick bleeding on the road. I'm out of here.
Me: HOW. ARE. YOOOUuuuuuu.*passing out from pain*

Tim Canterbury will have to do the grocery shopping, I think.