paging louis pasteur

there appears to be a new disease invading our land. well...maybe not a new disease. no, in fact, certainly this is an old disease but i really hope i do not catch it as it appears to be spreading. perhaps i should get a mask - to protect me from...dun dun DUNNN...yesidoneedabagitis. the new scourge of the indiscriminately consuming set and all those attempting to live and survive around them.

those infected with yesidoneedabagitis appear to be incapable of carrying anything - ANYthing- without some kind of plastic coating with handles surrounding it. yesidoneedabagitis seems to affect the area of the brain which allows for rational thought and the ability to access memory of corporeal capability learned at approximately the age of two. the infected will carry products ranging in size from a single banana to one double a battery to a small gummy coke bottle candy in a large grocery store carrying device...because they have forgotten they have hands! and opposable thumbs! and sometimes even goddamned purses or OTHER BAGS!

don't let it happen to you. buy a mask. make sure you get a bag for it because air is bad. air is bad for products. apparently.