cold case, warm heart

jerry bruckheimer is a hack. it's true. it takes about 10 seconds of watching david caruso's smug pig little face swivelling around on his apparently prehensile neck in a close-up to realize it. in fact, the entirety of CSI Miami should be entered into evidence because seriously. it's like a car accident with more blond hair and - well - more blood, not to be gross. it's a gore festival with cheesy camera work and a soundtrack that is just unwaveringly bad. it. is. awful. so awful that CTV would way rather showcase the hilariously bad acting of patricia arquette's 'medium' than even show a three second promo of CSI Miami. they're like, 'NEW EPISODE of CSI Miami - you know what? let's just leave it at that. get a still shot of that blonde's tits..and we're out. what is UP with that guy's neck?'

so why, oh why, do i love cold case so much? it's a veritable bruckheimer parade - ridiculously attractive 'detectives' whose ensembles suggest the viewer should infer they are all trust fund babies - who by the way, are also prodigies because half of them are on the barely legal side of 30. last night one of the characters was teasing another one about being so young and i was all 'wha? you really want to bring this into the light for public scrutiny? because i'm thinking you might want to invest some of your wardrobe money into the research centre for increasing suspension of disbelief...you don't get trouble unless you invite it in, detective hilton or rockefeller or daddy warbucks or whatever your name is'.

and yet....love. i have it. maybe i'm just a sucker for manipulation. i love me some cathartic sunday night crying and i've yet to finish a cold case episode without some serious sobbing. i was choked up in the first 5 fucking minutes last night - oh happy people who get murdered in sad sad ways. my parents told me when i was a kid, they took me and ambo to see snow white or cinderella and since we were bumpkins who had never seen big ole movin' pictures before (and we were four) we were just talking to all the characters on the screen at the top of our wee little lungs. like 'no, don't talk to her - she's BAAAaaad.' i'm telling you, snow white - maybe you'd better perk up those pretty little ears of yours, next time, huh? but when i watch [schniff] cold case, i revert back and really want to comfort those poor murdered and betrayed characters and tell them it will be okay. it will. oh man, i'm getting choked up right now.

damn you bruckheimer. damn you to miami.