jon bon jumps the shark

it's true that jon bon has long been fond of mining semi-obscure and vaguely familar cultural phrases as sources of inspiration for his 'poetry'. in early years, through his bold vision, we were 'living on a prayer' while sleeping quietly on a 'bed of roses' and sometimes even running from the law when we were 'wanted: dead or alive'. the man is not shakespeare. we do not want sonnets. we want distilled pap masquerading as insight set to music. we want bon jovi.

but with his new offering, we are given this: 'have a nice day'. have a nice day? like...writers block was cured by a random interaction with a stranger, have a nice day? as in jon bon was sitting on a street corner thinking:

'oh man, it's been so long since young guns. my hair is shorter but still fluffy, my jeans are tighter and just fluffy enough - what am i doing wrong? i need a hit, i need a hit...'

random samaritan: 'here's some change, buddy, have a nice day'.

jon bon: 'have a nice day - have a nice DAY. OH YEAH...i'm back world. jon bon's got something to say'.

and so....jon bon's newest masterpiece with commentary (mine):

"Have A Nice Day"

'Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?'
a legitimate question - if strangely punctuated. it is true that neither you nor i are in a position to question mr. jovi's choices. i do not need or want to direct his life and really, all i could suggest from the little i know of him is that he might want to consider hiring a writer of lyrics. and perhaps a hairdresser who has at least one client that became famous later than 1985.

'Who, are you to tell me if it’s black or white?'
um. no one. i guess. i'm not sure i understand the question though. what exactly are we discussing here? am i questioning your eyesight? maybe this is a race thing and really, it makes no difference if we're black or white. good on ya, jon bon.

'Mama, can you hear me?'
mama...? yep, I can hear you. but i think you might be mistaking me for someone else. like your mother. incidentally, the eyesight thing is starting to make more sense now. carry on though

'Try to understand. Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man.'
well, that and chest hair. maybe a drivers' licence too. and being able to distinguish your mother from other people - though maybe that's just the difference between the small bird in a children's book and a man, i'm not sure.

are you my mother? no, jon bon...for the last time, I'm an umbrella stand. A white umbrella stand - no, there is nothing wrong with being a black one. I just happen to be white. Goddamn it, I give up.

'My daddy lived the lie, it’s just the price that he paid. Sacrificed his life, just slavin’ away.'
is that the difference between a boy and a man? now i'm really confused. when did your dad get here? now i think you're confusing me with your psychoanalyst.

'Ohhh, if there’s one thing I hang onto, It gets me through the night.
I aint gonna do what I don’t want to, Im gonna live my life.'
that's...fair. kind of selfish but i hear you, jon bon. you obviously can't hold onto colours or identifying your maternal relatives so, i say, sure. might as well just hold onto to being a selfish little piggie. it's kind of like a religion, i guess.

'Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.'
i guess this is the Scripture of jon bon's new morality. so it's kind of like buddhism, seems like. a really self-obsessed buddhism. nothing like buddhism, actually. a lot like an acid trip, really. especially the flying part - that one could cause some permanent damage. might want to rethink that last one, jon bon. the rest will get you locked up but the wind thing? will get you dead.

'When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day'
hey - thanks! i thought you were kind of mad at me for that whole black/white mix-up...but this is really nice of you. you have a nice day too. but maybe remember that nice days don't always include acid trips.

'Take a look around you, look its what he sees. We’re living in a broken home of hopes and dreams,'
i'm thinking we dropped something in the translation here. maybe we're talking about jon bon's dad? maybe buddha? hope that 'he' isn't colour blind - in the literal sense. but in the figurative sense? yes. Colour blind. but who is living in a broken home, jon bon? you're holding onto the umbrella stand again. you're scaring me. put it down.

'Let me be the first to shake a helping hand.'
don't shake it when it's helping, though. because then you might make it drop whatever it is carrying to help and like drop a kitten into a well or something. it would kind of negate the attempt to help, you know? save your congratulations for just a few more minutes. be the first to shake a hand that helped. difference is small but crucial.

'Everybody, pray enough to take a stand, I knocked on every door, on every dead end street, Looking for forgiveness, what’s left to believe?'
whoa. you...lost me. isn't praying kind of the opposite of taking a stand? i mean, one's passive, one's active...okay. both are kind of like doing something, you're right. is that thing knocking on doors though? because i don't have to pray to do that. unless by 'dead end street' you mean a street that you like, literally, die at the end of. then i would probably pray. actually, i probably just wouldn't do it. i don't care if you call me chicken, jon bon. i'm not the one who can fly here.

'Ohhh, if there’s one thing I hang onto, It gets me through the night. I aint gonna do what I don’t want to, Im gonna live my life.'
again, with the me me me. cut your hair, you self absorbed prick.

'Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.'
[miming drinking from a bottle] okay buddy. you teach that wind.

'When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.'
yeah. i get it. have a nice day. NOW you're a happy drunk. well, forget it...okay, yeah, thanks. fine - you have a nice day too. sorry, i'm kind of chippy...i'm just worried about you. you used to be so...rhymey. now you're all over the place. like 'dice...ledge?' they don't rhyme. no, neither of them rhymes with orange, either. do you have any more of that acid? because, um, i have a prescription because of my glaucoma.

'When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.'
thanks again. thanks. thanks again. i will. sure. you too. SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP! stop telling me what to do. i. am. having. a. nice. day.

'When The world keeps trying, to drag me down, Ive gotta raise my
hands, gonna stand my ground.'
that rhyme is...closer. thanks for trying. raising your hands? sure...do whatever you have to do to make a rhymey-rhyme. that's cool. just - hey listen, man - just don't tell me to...

'Well I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day Have A Nice Day'
ohhh...awesome. thanks. i wasn't sure what exactly you wanted me to do in the next 12 hours or how you wanted me to do it. so thanks. the umbrella stand says hi, too. you're out of the will.

*lyrics courtesy of http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bonjovi/haveaniceday.html